At the end of chapter 2 in We Make the Road by Walking, Brian McLaren asks, “Share a story about a time when someone played god and judged you, or a time when you played god and judged someone else.”  I like everyone have been on both ends, but a particular story came to mind of being judged.

When I was a senior in high school I had a track coach whom I very much respected and admired.  Our team was faring poorly. One day, the coach who had became angry and frustrated, called the whole team together and began speaking harshly about our attitude, focus, and performance.  In the middle of his stern chastisement, I began to laugh.  As he witnessed this, in a moment, he judged me to be arrogant and disrespectful.  He called me out, and with distain in his voice, spoke of his disgust that I must think myself so much better than the other athletes that I wouldn’t take him seriously.  And the judgment stuck.  He remained my coach through the end of the season, but never saw me the same way again.   I experienced private shame and a painful separation, a being cut off, as this relationship I had so highly valued was irreparably damaged.

So why had I laughed?  First, you need to know that at the age of 17, I appeared quite mature in many ways (good student, athlete, and I had a part-time job); however, I was not mature or very experienced sexually. Also, I had deeply admired my coach, but really had never thought of him as anything other than a coach.  For instance, I knew he had a wife and child, but I had never thought of him cleaning gutters, mowing the lawn, or engaged in any other family matters.  Lastly, he was a strong authority figure in my life and I never thought of him as a person lacking control.

So here’s what happened.  I was standing with my team listening as my coach, with frustration and anger, gave us a “dressing down.”  As he spoke a teammate turned his head and whispered to me under his breath, “I bet his wife didn’t give him any last night.”   Ten words.  I was naïve enough that, puzzled, it took me a few moments to process what those words meant.  And then it all came together.  Sex had been mentioned! With me at that point of my life it was like saying “fart” to a six year old.  So too, I was being presented of an image of this man as a sexual human being, this man whose identity up until that point was totally encapsulated, in my mind, by the one word “coach.”  Also included in the those ten words, was also the "turned-on-its-head" insinuation that this idealized authority figure in my life could be meekly under the authority of his wife.   I was shocked, surprised, enticed, intrigued, tickled, … and I was mortified that, beyond my ability to control in that moment, what welled up inside of me was laughter.   I laughed, and was judged as being disrespectful and arrogant! When really, in that moment, I was simply immature.  

I would feel pain over that incident and the result of having been, for all intents and purposes, written-off for good by someone I so admired.  As I think back on what could have been different, I wonder what would have happened if the coach had called me to his office and checked out his assumption, asked me why I had acted as I did.  Probably nothing would have changed, however, because I knew then that I would not “rat out” the person who spoke the ten words, and I was still the immature 17 year old who would be mortified to discuss anything sexual in nature with an adult.   

Now all these years later, I find the experience has served as a gift to me.  It reminds me to be careful of “once and for all” judgments. Things are not always as they seem, there are back-stories I may never know.  Only God knows which is why only God can judge without misjudging.  

At First Lutheran we are reading, We Make the Road by Walking, by Brian McLaren.

Here’s a brief reflection on chapter 1:

The first chapter is all about being alive in creation. What intrigued me the most was simply thinking about when is it that I feel alive vs. when am I mostly walking around "passing time."  Walking in the woods makes me feel alive.

I tend to be a lazy person at heart, who at the same time is very driven by responsibilities. I have a dog who is my responsibility. So out of responsibility I walk him in the woods most days of the week (I'd often be too lazy to go otherwise). We go to conservation land in Lincoln where we both are off leash. I hardly ever see another person (where is everyone?).  The blue of Flint Pond and the green of the trees, the wind on my cheeks, and observing my dog’s incessant chasing of chipmunks make me feel alive.

It makes me wonder how much "aliveness" I'm missing in other areas of life because, having checked off the days list of responsibilities, I  let the laziness of “wasting time” replace what could be Sabbath, rest, recreation, renewal, etc. of “engaging time.”

So too, I wonder why we so often use the term "spending time."  Is time something we spend, like energy or dollar bills?   I wonder what might change of I more often thought of time as a gift of creation that I engage, utilize, inhabit.   

Thank you for taking the time to read this; or giving the time to read this; or engaging these thoughts as you inhabit this moment.  

A Life Shaped and Re-shaped by Prayer

Tuesday, Week 4 - Philippians 4:4-7: Write it on your heart

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

No commentary today.  Just this invitation – memorize this passage of scripture.  

Write it on an index card and carry it with you.  Write it on your heart and recite it when you are anxious.  Along with the Lord’s Prayer, the 23^rd Psalm, and/or other verses that you find meaningful – let these deep and powerful words shape you.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

A Life Shaped and Re-shaped by Prayer

Monday, Week 4 - Philippians 4:1-3: Walking Together in Love

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, my beloved.  I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord.  Yes, and I ask you also, my loyal companion, help these women, for they have struggled beside me in the work of the gospel, together with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.

There are tensions among members of the Philippian Church, and Paul is calling for unity.  The key for Paul is not getting one’s own way, but paying more attention to the way of Christ and together following it.   He names two women, Euodia and Syntyche, who presumably were important leaders and whose conflict with one another has become public.   We don’t know their issue, but we do know that it was drawing focus and energy away from what was truly important – what Paul names as “The work of the Gospel.”   

The work of the Gospel includes the proclamation that in Christ, God’s favor is being extended to all humanity, not just Jews, not just Romans, (not just Americans).   In his letter to the Galatians Paul warns one community that all are welcome as they are (circumcision not required).  In Philemon he asks that a slave owner release his slave because we are all brothers and sisters now.  In 1 Corinthians he chastises the church community for favoring the rich (chapter 11) and also favoring those whose giftedness was more obvious (chapter 12).

Rich and poor, extroverted or introverted, gay or straight, privileged by the society around us or oppressed by it - in Christ all are welcome; we are given to one another as brother and sister, and our unity with one another matters greatly.   If we find ourselves out of relationship with someone, Paul calls us to pay attention to the way of Christ who though he was in the form of God, emptied himself, took on lowliness, and gave himself away for the sake of others (chapter 2).  So too, if we find others in tension, Paul calls upon us to help them reconcile. 

Then in our united community, walking together in God’s love, we might more authentically address the outside world with the Gospel word – a word that announces, among other things, that racism is injustice, that widespread poverty is not just an unfortunate side-effect of free market capitalism rather it is sin, and that using Biblical apocalypse literature to justify poor stewardship of the environment is just plain selfish.

O God, teach me the way of Christ, and a greater ability to follow that way.  Help me and others in the community of faith to maintain positive relationships with one another.  Then help the Church to more boldly proclaim and hear the gospel word that in Christ, everyone matters.  Amen.

A Life Shaped and Re-shaped by Prayer

Friday, Week 3 - Philippians 3:17-21: Resisting Lawlessness

Brothers and sisters, join in imitating me, and observe those who live according to the example you have in us. For many live as enemies of the cross of Christ; I have often told you of them, and now I tell you even with tears. Their end is destruction; their god is the belly; and their glory is in their shame; their minds are set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and it is from there that we are expecting a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. He will transform the body of our humiliation so that it may be conformed to the body of his glory, by the power that also enables him to make all things subject to himself.

In place to place, Paul has been preaching about our freedom in Christ.  We are freed from the religious law that demands circumcision, the abstaining from certain foods, the keeping of certain holy days, and being overly focused upon our own purity.  The problem, however, is that some are interpreting Paul’s words to mean that we can now do whatever we feel like. 

When he wrote of “enemies of the cross,” Paul was addressing the same issue as when Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote about “Cheap Grace.” Cheap grace says that if God in Christ forgives you anyway, then do whatever you want; even though doing whatever you want leads to emptiness and a form of death before you die.  Costly grace, however, holds in reverent gratitude the truth that God’s blessings come to us at a great cost to God and are meant to transform us, mold us into a new creation, and lead us into a new way of living.   This new way of living is defined neither by legalism nor lawlessness.  It is a middle way that has the power to deliver to us God’s gifts of faith, hope, passion and compassion, deep relationships, expectation and peace, wisdom and a measure of laughable foolishness, love, humility, contentment, and more – all of which combine to deliver to us a measure of what Jesus would call abundant life, here and now before we die.

When Paul writes that our citizenship is in heaven and it is from there that we are expecting a Savior, he is not talking about life after we die.   He is talking about our expectations in this life.  Who or what are we expecting will come and deliver to us rich, meaningful life?  Paul is saying that what we thirst for most deeply cannot be delivered by Netflix, a fully stocked wine cellar, another sexual partner, victories from the Patriots or Red Sox, or Amazon Prime. We will always be restless in this life, for this world will never quite be home; yet Paul urges us to live with expectation that we will meet the risen Christ on a journey though life, a journey that follows the middle way between legalism and lawlessness.  Through this middle way we eat and drink with times of feasting, yet mostly in moderation so that we can stay awake; we shop for ourselves, yet in a way that there is enough to share with others; we engage our own sexuality in boundaried fashion, careful of hypocritical calls for purity in others; we enjoy movies, sports, and the arts, yet without so much obsession that we become numb to God’s call for us to partner with God in addressing this world’s brokenness. 

Resist legalism and lawlessness, Paul advises. Do not overly focus on your appetites (as both those who fast and those who indulge tend to do); rather, trusting that God will provide for you, engage this blessed and broken world around you.  Live with integrity, show mercy, advocate for fairness, surprise someone with a sign of your care, and be free from the weight of having to live with perfect purity. Then, following this middle way, expect that the risen one will meet you and grant you something that you will deep down experience as deliverance.

Oh God, deliver me from myself.  Help me to live with greater moderation, less fear, and more hope; and guide me into being of use to others in this broken and blessed world.  Amen.

A Life Shaped and Re-shaped by Prayer

Thursday, Week 3 - Philippians 3:10-14: Resisting Regret

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death, if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on towards the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.

Forgetting what lays behind, Paul strains forward to what lies ahead.  Some people are so tied to the past that they find it hard to live contentedly in the present and harder still to press onward with life.  For some this is because of a great tragedy or loss, for others it is due to great regret. 

Paul had regrets too.  We read in Acts chapter 8 how formerly Paul was what we now-a-days would label as a religious terrorist. He consented to the stoning death of one Christian; and then passionately focused his attention on destroying the Christian Church, going from house to house, dragging off men and women and putting them in prison (Acts 8:1-3).  But then Paul encountered the risen Christ, and in that experience he understood that he was being granted the undeserved gift of a brand new start.  From that moment onward what will motivate Paul’s passionate work, sacrifice, and suffering for the sake of a variety of church communities is his profound gratitude for that gift.

Baptism is our new start.  We are baptized into the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and a great exchange occurs: he gets our brokenness and sin and we receive his righteousness, his forgiveness, and his Spirit.  Baptism is our new start, and baptism is something that we live every day; every day this great exchange with Christ takes place, every day is an opportunity to start anew.

Martin Luther advised beginning each day by making the sign of the cross and acknowledging that you will be living this day marked by that sign, “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”  I begin many days by saying, “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”  (Psalm 118:24)  Both are ways of acknowledging that in this new day, each day, God (whose Spirit is at work in us) gives us opportunity for a new start. 

Oh, and if you’re not convinced.  If you think you have made such a mess of things in your own dysfunctional life that a new future is impossible, bear in mind that: the family of Abraham and his two wives was a mess, Jacob was a cheat, Moses was a murderer, David was an adulterer, and Jesus’ closest disciples were so enamored with themselves and so focused on who among them would be considered greatest that they ended up abandoning Jesus in the end.   It seems God does some of God’s best work with screw ups.   

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.  Amen.

16

A Life Shaped and Re-shaped by Prayer

Wednesday, Week 3 - Philippians 3:10-11: Resisting Avoidance

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death, if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Death and resurrection are not just what happen at the end of this earthly life, death and resurrection is the pattern to all of life.   A child leaves the comforts of home for the first day of preschool; a way of life with one parent most always there is ending.  The child may cry, in part due to the sense of what is being lost, and in part because of the fear of this unknown new way of living.  The pattern continues with each major life change.  Some move to a new part of the country leaving important relationships behind with the hope of making new ones.  Some get married and must die to a degree of independence in order to assume a new life of interdependence.   You may take a new job, speak up for injustice, publically admit your dependency at a 12-step meeting, get divorced, become disabled, etc. and life changes irrevocably.    Death (the ending of one whole way of life) and resurrection (the receiving a new life) is the pattern.

There is good news and bad news about this pattern.  The good news is that new life is promised!  Christ is risen and he goes before us, he is there waiting for us in each new school, each new home, each new relationship, each new job, each new way of being.  Christ is risen; he goes before us and he has power!  He has the power to surprise us with people, resources, opportunities, inner strength, signs of his love, and as yet undiscovered talents – all of which we had never imagined before and that we receive as a pure gift. 

There is some bad news however, for this promise of new life comes at cost.  First it costs us a degree of comfort, for dying to an old way of life can be painful.  Then too it costs us control, for we cannot see, feel, or know what the new life will be like until we die to the old, and there is no going back.   “My job is crushing me,” someone reports, “I want to quit but don’t know how I would survive if I did.”  How much suffering would this person endure if she quit?  Would she find meaningful work?  Would God surprise her with blessed opportunities, or would the weight of the world crush her?  They only way to know what the new life would look like is to die to the old. 

Many people simply are too scared to end one way of life regardless of how unhealthy, even though they are already suffering, because they cannot yet see what the new way of life looks like.  Paul understands that death and resurrection are the pattern to new life in Christ; and the way in which we most powerfully experience Christ and the power of his resurrection is by, again and again, dying to an old way of life.    As you engage the world today at school or work, on public streets or in the confines of your home, prayerfully live with this question, “What in me needs to die today?”

Lord Christ, we too wish to experience you alive and among us.  Give us the insight to know what we need to let go, or take on, in order to live more fully. Then give us the power to act, trusting that you will provide.  Amen.